Im at strip club and am horny
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone shattered a urinal.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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