You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
are you so shy because you have an std?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
