Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
