i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
