you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
