I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
two words: eviction party
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
