i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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