after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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