I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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