Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
