so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
