i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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