i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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