Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
