i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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