I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
