I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
