we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I CAN MOONWALK!
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
