wanna go halves on a baby?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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