The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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