am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
