I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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