he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
