I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
