Joe is yelling at the trees again.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
