You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
