So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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