Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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