Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
