Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
