im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
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