is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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