whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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