I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
