What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It's never too late to be topless.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
