Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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