I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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