I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
