I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
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Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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