i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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