I heard we made out
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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