we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
