Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
