having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
