No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
