The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
