ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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