scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize