i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
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it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
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I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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