they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
