Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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