i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
