Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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