Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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