I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
