Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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