I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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