i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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