shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
