well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
