I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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