Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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