Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
