I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
