You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
