I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
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two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
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So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize