she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Randomize