umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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